


Things i am not allowed to do at Karasuno

by Haikyuuties_baeritto123



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Karasuno - Freeform, M/M, Mild Language, more to come maybe?, not much else to tag, utter boredom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-05-03
Packaged: 2018-03-20 15:18:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3655158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haikyuuties_baeritto123/pseuds/Haikyuuties_baeritto123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What do you do when your bored and have extreme writers block? make a list of things you're not allowed to do at Karasuno of course!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

  1.        I am not allowed to watch South park and try to find comparisons between the characters and the team
  2.        My name is not pocahontas
  3.        Asking Daichi what position Suga prefers is not acceptable
  4.        Laughing after the previously asked question when Daichi gets confused and replies ‘Setter’ is also unacceptable
  5.        Under no circumstances am I allowed to play without a bra
  6.        Shooting arrows at the team on valentine’s day does not make me Cupid, if anything it gets me attacked with volleyballs
  7.        My Photoshop skills are impressive, using them to Photoshop the team into movies such as Titanic is not
  8.        I am not allowed to write fanfiction about the team
  9.        Even if they act extremely homosexual
  10.    Finishing every sentence with ‘according to the ancient legend’ was only funny the first few times
  11.    I am not Noya’s and Asahi’s adopted daughter
  12.    Even if Noya came up with the idea in the first place
  13.    I will receive a punch if I ever call Coach Ukai ‘Grandpa’ ever again
  14.    Even if it amuses me and the team, I must not moon the opposing team before a match, it is disrespectful
  15.    If Tsukishima is in an incredibly pissy mood offering him tampons will most likely get me killed
  16.    I am not allowed to sell my soul for the boys to kiss
  17.    I am not allowed to convince Hinata, Kageyama, Nishinoya, Tanaka and Yamaguchi that there is a god called ‘Volleyballboyus Are Homosexualacus’
  18.    Throwing a cat at one of the members of Nekoma just to ‘see what happens’ isn’t a smart move
  19.    I am not allowed to taunt Tanaka that ‘Kiyoko-San loves me more’
  20.    I am not on from a mission from God
  21.    I may not dance to anaconda as a distraction in a match
  22.    I am not allowed to call Suga out for a rap battle
  23.    Even if he’s extremely good at it
  24.    Regulations are actually there for a reason not “guidelines to what we _could_ do’
  25.    ‘What Coach Ukai and Sensei don’t know won’t hurt them’ usually ends up with somebody getting hurt
  26.    Sticking a sign to Yamaguchi saying ‘property of Tsukki’ is not in any way, shape, or form appreciated
  27.    Same goes for the rest of the team and their respective others
  28.    Challenging Noya to a twerkathon isn’t a sport that should be played during practice
  29.    Nor outside of practice either
  30.    The school kit is not pink, so dying it aforementioned colour will result in severe consequences
  31.    Giving the principle a wig for Christmas is inappropriate
  32.    This includes his birthday
  33.    And any other holiday/celebration
  34.    I will not suggest that everything Daichi and Coach Ukai say is ‘coming out their asses’
  35.    No matter how Asahi chooses to wear his hair, his is not and never will be the reincarnation of Jesus
  36.    I will not pull off my shirt and twirl it in the air after we score a point it is not appropriate
  37.    Nor is attempting to intimidate the other team
  38.    In fact any attempt of imitating Tanaka is usually a bad idea to begin with
  39.    Asking Taketora if his hair matches the downstairs is nowhere near appropriate
  40.    Even if he does answer
  41.    Making a betting pool about who will come out first in the team is not considered a smart money making scheme
  42.    Although Suga may appreciate the idea, giving him a mother’s day present is unnecessary
  43.    This also goes for Daichi during father’s day
  44.    Correcting Iwaizumi for anything is a bad idea
  45.    If I wish to stay alive I will not call Iwaizumi Iwa-cha, only Oikawa can do that and sustain minor injury
  46.    I will not call Aone the ‘not-so-jolly-green-giant’
  47.    Inuoka’s hair does not look like ‘Satan’s front lawn’
  48.    Stalking Sibayama and Yamaguchi is inappropriate
  49.    So is exclaiming ‘protect the precious’’
  50.    I am not the leader of the ‘Uke protection squad’
  51.    Not that there is any need of such group




	2. Chapter 2

52\. The boys are not interested in posing for my summer calendar  
53\. Noya’s and Tanaka’s opinions do not count  
54\. Ignoring any of the game’s plans and screaming ‘FOR NARNIA’ before proceeding to run after the ball is not allowed  
55\. I am not Hinata’s and Kageyama’s adopted daughter  
56\. I do not host a show called ‘desperate housewives of Miyagi’  
57\. Suga and Takeda-sensei are not part of aforementioned TV show  
58\. Kageyama is not Harry potter so will refrain from calling him ‘the chosen one’  
59\. Just because Hinata has unnaturally orange hair does not make him Ron Weasley  
60\. Just because Tsukishima is a cynical blonde bastard does not make him Draco Malfoy  
61\. And in no way is Tanaka Dobby and Noya the Japanese counterpart of Seamus Finnegan  
62\. Asahi does not want to mix my milk with his coco puffs  
63\. I am not allowed to sneak into the shower rooms to take pictures of the boys for my summer calendar  
64\. Takeda is not a ‘sexual predator’  
65\. Calling him as such when I see him at school is not acceptable  
66\. I will not follow Suga and Daichi around with an accordion whilst singing my rendition of ‘can you feel the love tonight’  
67\. Noya is only a year or two younger than Asahi so calling him a ‘defiler of the innocence’ is mean  
68\. Because Noya is not innocent  
69\. Whenever Yamaguchi succeeds at a jump float serve it is not amusing to make the pun ‘you just got served’  
70\. Whenever I see something even mildly suggestive between the team mates I will not scream ‘get some!’ before running away  
71\. I am not Yamaguchi’s and Tsukki’s adopted daughter  
72\. Ennoshita, Kinoshita and Narita are substitutes for players, not ‘my home boys’  
73\. Replacing Yamaguchi’s trousers for a school skirt while he is playing is a horrible idea  
74\. Even if he has the legs to pull it off  
75\. And he shows up with mysterious hickeys and bruises shaped strangely like Tsukishima’s fingertips on his thighs the next day  
76\. It is merely an accident if Hinata and Kageyama have each other’s shorts  
77\. I will not call Ennoshita, Kinoshita and Narita ‘the Karasuno powerpuff girls’ nor ‘the totally spies’  
78\. Suga is not Daichi’s Sugar-mama  
79\. I will not play gay chicken during practice  
80\. Especially if the rest of the players don’t know that they are participating  
81\. I will not initiate a ‘Tsukki needs a hug day’  
82\. ‘senpai notice me’ is not the correct way to gain my superiors attention  
83\. Covering the hall’s floor in bubble wrap is extremely distracting to the players  
84\. Kenma isn’t interested in playing Otome dating games with me  
85\. Height jokes are not funny  
86\. I am not allowed to make any sexual innuendos about volleyballs  
87\. Re-enacting ‘that scene’ from titanic with Noya in the storage closet is inappropriate (but funny)  
88\. I will not ask the boys to see what underwear they’re wearing  
89\. Especially if some of them are wearing none  
90\. I am not Suga’s and Daichi’s adopted daughter  
91\. I will not pop it  
92\. Nor will lock it  
93\. And I most definitely will not drop it  
94\. I am not allowed to host weddings as I am not a priest and do not hold the power to wed any of the team or faculty  
95\. Waking everyone up at midnight in the training camp must have a valid reason, the excuse ‘because I was bored’ does not suffice  
96\. While on the way to said training camp I will not initiate a Disney sing along during the whole bus ride  
97\. Just because Kageyama was original called ‘King’ does not mean he is Elsa or Mufasa  
98\. Hinata, Yaku and Nishinoya are not hobbits, despite their heights  
99\. And I will not ask them to protect the ring  
100\. ‘He’s just a bit of a fixer upper’ is not an appropriate response to a question about Kageyama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I.......Have no excuse for this ★⌒(●ゝω・)ｂ who knows i may add more


	3. Chapter 3

101\. Kageyama is not in any way related to Haruka Nanase  
102\. I should refrain from recommending colours for Coach Ukai to dye his sideburns  
103\. Whenever Noya or I dive for the ball we must not re-enact a life alert commercial  
104\. Especially during a match  
105\. Our school chant is not ‘Teen Titans go!’ or ‘go, go power rangers’  
106\. I am not allowed to insinuate that ‘volleyballs aren’t the only things in the closet’ before winking at the team  
107\. Yachi does not want to paint me like one of her French girls  
108\. Nor can she paint with all the colours of the wind  
109\. When approached by new volleyball teams I will not respond ‘Mommy told me not to talk to strangers’ while pointing towards Suga  
110\. Oikawa is not voldemort, calling him as such to his face will result in crying (not from me)  
111\. Karasuno does not have a twerk team that consists of myself and the second years  
112\. The principles forehead game is not too strong  
113\. I will get kicked out of the school should I feel the need to say so again  
114\. If Hinata and Kageyama practice their freak duo I will not begin hum ‘rise of the valkyries’  
115\. Despite Coach Ukai’s firm disagreement I am allowed in his family store, however if it is to fight of any of his eligible bachelors I will be removed immediately  
116\. Adding ‘that’s not what you were saying last night’ to anyone’s sentences is inappropriate  
117\. Especially to members of staff and double if they are around other members of staff/students  
118\. Just because of his height does not make Noya Irish, so I should stop asking him where he keeps his lucky charms  
119\. Asking to compare dicks sizes with the team is unacceptable  
120\. So is asking the players who decided to answer to prove it  
121\. In one of the off chances the school does get an inspection I will not press myself against one of the windows and plead for help as they past  
122\. Neither will I run around the gym naked claiming its dress down Thursday  
123\. In fact, when inspectors are present I will simply be kept in the club room until they have left the building  
124\. Despite the rumours about the Ace, Asahi does not sell ‘the good stuff’  
125\. And he does not know where it can be sold  
126\. Whenever I see Lev being mercilessly attacked by Yaku I probably shouldn’t play the main chorus of ‘smack that’ because he will probably come after me afterwards  
127\. Even if I firmly believe so, Tsukishima does not have a Dinosaur fetish  
128\. Declaring that Yaku is a ‘strong independent mama who don’t need no man’ ends with severe consequences  
129\. I am not allowed to re-enact my rendition of ‘potter puppet pals’  
130\. Kageyama and Hinata are not fighting due to sexual frustration  
131\. ‘Kenma and Kunimi never show any emotion’ is not to be taken as a challenge  
132\. Especially if I result to ‘extreme measures’  
133\. And I will not specify what these ‘extreme measures’ were to anyone on their respective teams  
134\. Lube is not a good birthday present  
135\. Even if it is for ‘their own good and safety’  
136\. The first years REALLY don’t want to play a game of strip hangman  
137\. The Karasuno boys are not my ‘squad’  
138\. I shouldn’t ask how Kageyama gets his eyebrows on fleek  
139\. I am not allowed to sing the gooby goober theme song  
140\. Nor the F.U.N song  
141\. In fact singing any songs from SpongeBob is usually annoying so I should refrain from doing as such  
142\. I will not create a betting pool on how ‘big’ Tsukishima, Aone and Asahi are judging by their shoe size  
143\. ‘how’s the view from up there’ was only funny the first few times I asked Asahi  
144\. Hugging a team member or opponent in congratulations is a kind gesture, copping a feel is not  
145\. ‘I wish to ride upon your shoulders oh majestic one’ is not an appropriate way to ask for a piggy back  
146\. And Noya knows this so he too should refrain from following in my footsteps  
147\. My milkshake doesn’t bring all the boys to the yard  
148\. And if by some miracle of a chance it does I must not bring them to practice with me  
149\. The boys are not my ‘reverse Haram’  
150\. So I should stop introducing them as such

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You wanted more i got more! :D
> 
> (The support this has got is phenomenal and i can't thank you guys enough, enjoy <3 )

**Author's Note:**

> Don't blame me for this stupidity, its my brain's fault ☆ﾐ(o*･ω･)ﾉ


End file.
